Instead of wondering whether there were sharks in the river and whether great whites are actually attracted to wee I should have listened to my uncle telling me to keep my legs together..

Second time around I listened but wondered quietly to myself whether my poor coordination was hereditary or learned. If you’ve seen my dad on the dancefloor late at night you would say genetics. Then as my patient uncle explained about keeping arms straight my mind kept asking why, why, why would sharks be attracted to pee?

So… Legs together and arms straight. Done. Now try to look more coordinated than a one-legged goat in a mud-wrestling competition. I have no advice on how to do that.

I found it was important when crossing the wake to scream as if a shark was coming up behind me. That also strengthens your grip, which is handy when its feels as if your toboggan has gone off the track.

But the most important lesson… Resign yourself early on to the fact that a natural colon cleansing is inevitable when wearing children’s cossies.

Oh yeah… And take a cute cousin to share the sunshine with.