I am the Knight.

I can do the Damsel-in-Distress thing. I’ll happily let any man, woman or dog help me out of a bind. Sometimes I even forget my lofty feminist ideals and get men to carry my groceries for me. Or just carry me, especially if it’s a steep hill.

My preffered role, however, comes with a cape and a breastplate. I do the Knight-in-Shining-Armour caper brilliantly. Brilliantly, but not modestly, it seems.

I think this comes from the two-older-brothers-and-no-sisters dynamic. It didn’t matter if Rob and Nick were practising their target shooting, mowing lawns, fishing, four-wheel driving or sneaking a packet of salt and vinegars out of the cupboard. I wanted in. Bugger being a girl, I can hit a six into the chook house and throw stones at goannas. (Please note, I do not recommend throwing stones at goannas. They are savage beasts.)

Take tonight, for instance. I’m sitting at home pigging out on a salad. That’s right, a big, healthy, nutritious salad. Then, the bat-phone vibrates silently on the kitchen table. There is an Emergency. It’s understated, but urgent. And I am the first Superhero to be called.

Sophie has left her lights on, bless her, and is stuck at the train station in the rain with a flat battery. What a sucker!

My switch from post-work-wind-down mode to full-cape-and-jumper-leads was instantaneous. I was sitting in the peak-hour traffic going nowhere within minutes.

To the other side of town I flew, in my suped-charged Camry. It’s an extraordinary car for jump starting. Actually, I think it’s the first time it has been doing the jumping instead of being jumped, but that’s a different story and features mechanical terms which turn me into a Damsel.

At the scene I was straight to work, peering closely at the frigging battery and wondering which was negative and which was positive. The lack of clear markings was a severe hindrance to an otherwise remarkable jump start. Engines purred. Mine shuddered, actually, but let’s not get bogged down with trivia.

It was unfortunate, really, when the jumper leads had to go back in the boot and I had to remove my cape and armour.

I will say that Sophie was an excellent Damsel. How lovely of her to let me be the Knight, even if it was just for the night. Ha!

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